Since I just finished blogging through a book, I thought this would be a good time to shift gears. For the next couple of weeks Here's My Point... will be a bit more personal. Hope that doesn't cause you to stop reading!
This time of the year is especially busy for me. Along with the "normal" demands of pastoral ministry, I also do some traveling in the spring. For the past 20 years I've had the privilege of preaching at a number of regional student conventions. These conventions are a gathering of Christian school students from all over their respective regions to compete in over 100 different events. The conventions are held at a variety of venues all over the country, although many are held on university campuses. I usually preach anywhere from 4-8 times at each convention. Because I competed at these conventions as a high-schooler, it is both humbling and rewarding to minister to the students each spring. I'm looking forward to being in Oshkosh, WI for the Wisconsin Regional Student Convention next week. Pray for warm weather.
Being away from home serves as a reminder of how important my family is to me. Since Kristie seldom gets to travel with me, I find myself missing her with a vengeance. Another of the drawbacks to traveling is that I often miss my kid's activities. Last week I missed Ashley's induction into the National Junior Honor Society. Both Matt and Tim play baseball; Ashley plays softball. Next week, it looks like I'll miss a couple of games. Before you start feeling sorry for me; however, you must know there are some trade-offs. When I'm home, I miss fewer games than most other dads whose jobs require them to "punch the clock".
Here's my point...ministry is often demanding and allows little freedom. Thankfully, there are aspects of ministry that give me more freedom than a lot of other guys. I plan to make the most of those opportunities!
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Mike,
ReplyDeleteThe best book I ever read on balancing ministry and family is "Choosing to Cheat" by Andy Stanley. I actually read it on a family vacation when it first came out, and it was the perfect time for Alethia and I to reevaluate our family and ministry priorities. When you do what we do for a living, it's so easy to "cheat" the family, pouring extra time and energy into the lives of other people, always saying "yes" to every good opportunity. Somehow, we expect that God will fill in that gap for us at home, while never considering that perhaps He could fill in the gaps that we might leave in work and ministry if we choose family over these "ministry opportunities". Seriously, sometimes we're convinced that we're the lone "voice crying in the wilderness" - if we don't do it, no one else can. But Andy says whenever you compromise the interests of a family member in order to fill gaps somewhere else, you shuffle your priorities. I came to a point about six years ago where I finally understood that while my wife and kids know they are my priority, they want to feel like they're my priority.
I think I've missed some "ministry opportunities" in the last few years because I'm learning to say "no" to some good things so I can consistently say "yes" to the best things... and the best things seem to be fleeting (Ben turned 16 yesterday!. Reading "Choosing to Cheat" a few years ago gave Alethia and I the framework to talk about our priorities when it comes to family and work, which you know isn't as cut-and-dry as it is for most people because we're ministers, we're on-call 24 hours a day, how can we say "no" to these needy people??! I find myself using this kind of reasoning, and then I'm reminded that Jesus didn't heal every sick person he encounterd, he didn't answer every question that was posed to him. There were times he needed to leave those opportunities behind him to invest in his inner circle, and of course to have time with his Father.
So, I'm learning to be fully present in those moments with my kids, especially those landmark kind of things. I'm also learning to say "no" to outside interests without feeling guilty. I don't know about you, but I get frustrated with some of the traditional expectations of the clergy... why am I expected to do your wedding ceremony? why do I feel obligated to do this funeral? why is it when 30 friends from church have visited you in the hospital, none of that counts unless you're visited by the pastor? arggh! I guess these are some of the trade-offs.
Anyway, if you haven't read "Choosing to Cheat" I highly recommend it.